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General Discussion / Re: Chapter 1
« on: March 22, 2012, 08:36:33 pm »
1. How did the theme (s) of this chapter touch you personally?
While I haven't lost a child, and I don't understand the depth of that pain, I think that everyone can relate to losing someone. Sometimes, a death is expected and comes at the end of a long life lived. But, other times, death is completely unexpected and hits you right in the face. A couple weeks ago, I was working as an EMT at a local fire. I watched a friend of mine, someone I've known for almost 20 years, walk into that building to fight the fire. He never walked out. He died. He was almost a year older than me. His oldest son is in Kindergarten with my son. He has three boys (6, almost 3, and 4 months) who will never know their father. I can understand the feeling of being numb to everything. I am angry at God. I am angry at everyone who is going about their lives as if nothing happened. Even though, (intellectually) I understand that their lives haven't been ripped apart. I feel like my pain is so huge that everyone should be feeling it.
2. Direct your attention to at least one quote-why did this stand out to you?
" how do I fully live when life is full of hurt? How do I wake up to joy and grace and beauty and all that is the fullest life when I must stay numb to losses and crushed dreams and all that empties me out?" (page 12) "How do I give up resentment for gratitude, gnawing anger for spilling joy?" (page 22)
This really hit home for me. It is so hard to find the beauty in life when you are going through loss and pain. And that pain can be in the form of dealing with the death of someone close to you, it can be struggles in your marriage (oh, yeah, I'm there, too), it can be trying to find out how you fit into this world, it can be anything. For me, dealing with Jamison's death has knocked me to my core. I know that I should honor my friend by being the best parent that I can be, by enjoying a nice long run on a sunny day (he was a runner, too), and by smiling as often as possible and frequently when not possible. But, when you feel pain so intensely, you miss out on the simple pleasures in life. There is no 'normal' at this point. How am I supposed to fake happiness when every part of me wants to rage at a God who would let this happen?
3. Do you think Voskamp is being realistic in challenging you to live an 'empty, full' life? Does that make sense to you? Why or why not?
I have to be honest and say that I don't think she did a very good job of addressing the 'empty, full' theme in this chapter. She talked about loss and she talks about grace, but I didn't really pick up on the 'empty, full.' Maybe I was distracted by the stories she used to describe her pain. And, continuing in the vein of honesty, living an 'empty, full' life doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to me. I would rather be full of God's grace, of God's peace, of God's blessings, and of understanding.
4. Did you disagree with anything in the chapter? Why?
I didn't really disagree with much. I appreciated her honesty in the questions she asks of God. I am asking a lot of those same questions. I was able to note a difference in the way she and I are reacting to the pain of loss. On page 16- 17, she talks about how all she sees is what isn't. Yet, on Sundays, when she sits in the church, she can remember the love of God. I wish that I could be there. Instead, I am stuck sitting in my church dealing with rage and anger and bitterness toward God. I am being forced to remember that God is real, but also being reminded that on one afternoon, He just didn't care.
5. Please give at least one item that your mind keeps going back to from this chapter. Does it encourage you to take action in any way?
I think it is pretty obvious that I am very much stuck in the pain of loss right now. It certainly resonated with me when I was reading the chapter. I cried through the stories of babies dying. And then I cried for my own loss. As for encouragement I'm not there yet. I know that the pain will lessen. I know that it will get easier. But, right now, everything is so raw. So, for now, I am going to run (my way of dealing with things), and I'm going to cry, and I'm going to be angry at God. And at some point, I'll get through a day without crying.
While I haven't lost a child, and I don't understand the depth of that pain, I think that everyone can relate to losing someone. Sometimes, a death is expected and comes at the end of a long life lived. But, other times, death is completely unexpected and hits you right in the face. A couple weeks ago, I was working as an EMT at a local fire. I watched a friend of mine, someone I've known for almost 20 years, walk into that building to fight the fire. He never walked out. He died. He was almost a year older than me. His oldest son is in Kindergarten with my son. He has three boys (6, almost 3, and 4 months) who will never know their father. I can understand the feeling of being numb to everything. I am angry at God. I am angry at everyone who is going about their lives as if nothing happened. Even though, (intellectually) I understand that their lives haven't been ripped apart. I feel like my pain is so huge that everyone should be feeling it.
2. Direct your attention to at least one quote-why did this stand out to you?
" how do I fully live when life is full of hurt? How do I wake up to joy and grace and beauty and all that is the fullest life when I must stay numb to losses and crushed dreams and all that empties me out?" (page 12) "How do I give up resentment for gratitude, gnawing anger for spilling joy?" (page 22)
This really hit home for me. It is so hard to find the beauty in life when you are going through loss and pain. And that pain can be in the form of dealing with the death of someone close to you, it can be struggles in your marriage (oh, yeah, I'm there, too), it can be trying to find out how you fit into this world, it can be anything. For me, dealing with Jamison's death has knocked me to my core. I know that I should honor my friend by being the best parent that I can be, by enjoying a nice long run on a sunny day (he was a runner, too), and by smiling as often as possible and frequently when not possible. But, when you feel pain so intensely, you miss out on the simple pleasures in life. There is no 'normal' at this point. How am I supposed to fake happiness when every part of me wants to rage at a God who would let this happen?
3. Do you think Voskamp is being realistic in challenging you to live an 'empty, full' life? Does that make sense to you? Why or why not?
I have to be honest and say that I don't think she did a very good job of addressing the 'empty, full' theme in this chapter. She talked about loss and she talks about grace, but I didn't really pick up on the 'empty, full.' Maybe I was distracted by the stories she used to describe her pain. And, continuing in the vein of honesty, living an 'empty, full' life doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to me. I would rather be full of God's grace, of God's peace, of God's blessings, and of understanding.
4. Did you disagree with anything in the chapter? Why?
I didn't really disagree with much. I appreciated her honesty in the questions she asks of God. I am asking a lot of those same questions. I was able to note a difference in the way she and I are reacting to the pain of loss. On page 16- 17, she talks about how all she sees is what isn't. Yet, on Sundays, when she sits in the church, she can remember the love of God. I wish that I could be there. Instead, I am stuck sitting in my church dealing with rage and anger and bitterness toward God. I am being forced to remember that God is real, but also being reminded that on one afternoon, He just didn't care.
5. Please give at least one item that your mind keeps going back to from this chapter. Does it encourage you to take action in any way?
I think it is pretty obvious that I am very much stuck in the pain of loss right now. It certainly resonated with me when I was reading the chapter. I cried through the stories of babies dying. And then I cried for my own loss. As for encouragement I'm not there yet. I know that the pain will lessen. I know that it will get easier. But, right now, everything is so raw. So, for now, I am going to run (my way of dealing with things), and I'm going to cry, and I'm going to be angry at God. And at some point, I'll get through a day without crying.